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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 4/20/24

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Enjoy an archive of the past year (or so).



AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"
(most recent report at bottom of page)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/22 LISTEN!
7/31/22: RI strip club robbed of $20k in $1 bills; tuning in to radio signals from a distant galaxy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/22 LISTEN!
8/7/22: Two men in Italy set new world record for changing a tire on a moving car; TX woman in a traffic jam twerks on top of her car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/22 LISTEN!
8/14/22: Albuquerque misspelled on NM road sign; planet Earth's faster rotation sets a new record for the shortest day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/22 LISTEN!
8/21/22: Belgian researchers study pigs' response to music; remembering sharks' aFINnity for jazz!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/22 LISTEN!
8/28/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from February 20, 2005, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 17 1/2 years ago.) | ME man repeatedly fakes heart attacks to avoid paying his restaurant tab; NY high school student put sheep's brain in salad dressing at the school cafeteria!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/22 LISTEN!
9/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 4, 1994, so here is the *long and rambling* "Demented News" report from that show, 28 years ago this week.) | Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons are back on the pop charts; digging up dirt on coroners!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/22 LISTEN!
9/11/22: PA police search for stolen gallon of milk; man in India removes his thumbprint and pastes it on his friend's hand to appear for exam!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/22 LISTEN!
9/18/22: Pilot theatens to turn plane around over passenger's nude photos; remembering vacationing nudists on German airline!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/22 LISTEN!
9/25/22: Canadian man poses as reflexologist to massage strangers' feet; remembering NE man who hid under cars to touch women's feet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/22 LISTEN!
10/2/22: Canadian candidate/realtor advises landlords to defecate in tenants' dwellings to assert ownership; trail of slime leads German customs officials to stash of 93 giant snails!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/22 LISTEN!
10/9/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 25, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | Wedding in Taiwan takes place inside a public bathroom (WARNING: dangerous puns!); airplane drops jars of marmalade, shattering a car's windshield!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/22 LISTEN!
10/16/22: Passengers report odd moaning and grunting over American Airlines PA system; FL field reporter uses condom to protect microphone during hurricane coverage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/22 LISTEN!
10/23/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Snakes and mice falling from the ceiling at a KY high school; CA school dance postponed due to bats in the gym!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/22 LISTEN!
10/30/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Scientists in Australia teach a dish of living brain cells to play the video game, Pong!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/22 LISTEN!
11/6/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 7, 2004, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 18 years ago.) | MI police arrest Elvis Presley and Jake Blues impersonators after car chase; Romanian villiagers flee after mistaking disco lights for an alien invasion!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/22 LISTEN!
11/13/22: Mass quantities of bologna and cheese seized at TX border; Taylor Swift captures the entire top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/22 LISTEN!
11/20/22: Video game VR headset actually kills player if on-screen character dies; scientists preparing official alien contact protocol should E.T. call Earth!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/22 LISTEN!
11/27/22: Doctor assembles leg bones in record time; IA man claps hands 1,140 times in one minute, breaking world record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/22 LISTEN!
12/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 30, 1997, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 25 years ago.) | CA prisoner suing over missing nutrition facts on bag of chips; new idiot warning labels during "Here's Your Sign" craze; Toyota & Chevrolet teaming up for new car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/22 LISTEN!
12/11/22: Survey says one in three Americans have never built a snowman; remembering the NFL player who was late for a team meeting because he was building a snowman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/22 LISTEN!
12/18/22: Mick Fleetwood's dangling wooden balls pictured on the Fleetwood Mac Rumours album cover sell at auction for $128k!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/22 LISTEN!
12/25/22: Police in Poland seek man dressed like Christmas tree who slashed tires at meat warehouse; bear attacks inflatable Rudolph holiday decoration in Lake Tahoe yard!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/23 LISTEN!
1/1/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is the Funny 25 countdown for 2022! For the 1989 countdown, I covered the pre-show festivities... and had a few misadventures, myself!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/23 LISTEN!
1/8/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is a flashback to movie-related Deeementia! Instead of the "Demented News," my first movie adventure -- a 1986 "break-in" interview with Howard the Duck -- is remembered!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/23 LISTEN!
1/15/23: Hospital in France is evacuated when an 88-year-old man shows up with a WWI artillery shell lodged in his rectum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/23 LISTEN!
1/22/23: Human hair recycled in Belgium to protect the environment; movie producer Michael Bay charged in Italy with killing a pigeon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/29/23 LISTEN!
1/29/23: Venomous snake found hiding in printer at Austrailian workplace; IN authorities mistake runaway yaks for bison, post correction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/5/23 LISTEN!
2/5/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from March 11, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | New study finds happiness could be hazardous to your health; MD man smuggles 70 homing pigeons in his pants [story from 1994]; Austrian tourist arrested in Brazil for transporting bird eggs in his underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/12/23 LISTEN!
2/12/23: Pet fish in Japan goes online and runs up its owner's credit card bill; Black Eyed Peas sue Poopsie Slime Surprise unicorn toy over "My Poops" song!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/19/23 LISTEN!
2/19/23: Naked man swinging toilet plunger runs through Des Moines hotel; Roman sewer workers unearth ancient emperor statue!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/26/23 LISTEN!
2/26/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from January 20, 2002, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 21 years ago.) | IA man drives naked for 15,000 miles; NZ man mows neighbor's lawn in the nude; IN burglar takes shower and flees naked; German man wants to be buried with his collection of porno videos!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/5/23 LISTEN!
3/5/23: Oscar Mayer Wienermobile catalytic converter theft; Barney the Dinosaur making a comeback!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/12/23 LISTEN!
3/12/23: CA man sets world record by visiting Disneyland for nearly 3,000 consecutive days; Pentagon warns troops about eating poppy seeds before taking drug tests!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/19/23 LISTEN!
3/19/23: FL strip club destroyed by hurricane reopens inside circus tent; British bus driver gives sheep a ride!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/26/23 LISTEN!
3/26/23: Deworming China's viral "worm rain" images; Australian man catches ping pong balls on his shaving cream-covered head to break world record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/9/23 LISTEN!
4/9/23: Jack Daniel's vs. "Bad Spaniels" over poop-themed dog chew toy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/16/23 LISTEN!
4/16/23: Thieves in Madrid steal 38,000 pounds of olives; Portland man steals forklift and chases pedestrians through downtown streets!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/23/23 LISTEN!
4/23/23: Barbie dolls blasted with liquid nitrogen to test new method of moon dust cleanup!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/30/23 LISTEN!
4/30/23: Swedish man cracks 46 joints in his body to set new world record; revisiting demented "Copycat Corner" soundalike songs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/14/23 LISTEN!
5/14/23: Truck spills load of glue on MI highway; remembering the woman who glued her naked buttocks to the window of a London department store!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/21/23 LISTEN!
5/21/23: CA avocado heist worth more than $300k; mysterious mounds of pasta found near NJ stream!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/28/23 LISTEN!
5/28/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 9, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, just two days before 9/11.) | Australian mom streaks in front of 20,000 rugby fans; police in Iran threaten to arrest shopkeepers who sell dogs or display naked mannequins and underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/4/23 LISTEN!
6/4/23: Spill from sewage truck causes a stinky situation on CO interstate; AM radio missing from many new cars!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/18/23 LISTEN!
6/18/23: The Little Mermaid tracked by modern technology; Philly Naked Bike Ride returns this summer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/25/23 LISTEN!
6/25/23: NY Yankees broadcaster hit by foul ball while on the air; recovering stolen organ pipes from Memphis church!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/2/23 LISTEN!
7/2/23: Long Island, NY, town candidate stands naked at his front door; Sri Lankan man has world's largest kidney stone!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/16/23 LISTEN!
7/16/23: Philly thief steals more than a million dimes; Atlanta auto repair employee paid with 91,500 oily pennies dumped in driveway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/23/23 LISTEN!
7/23/23: Man and woman fight in UK street over duck; Canadian judge rules thumbs-up emoji contractually binding!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/30/23 LISTEN!
7/30/23: Truck hauling load of bananas catches fire on FL highway; Burger King in Brazil offers Barbie Burger with pink sauce!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/13/23 LISTEN!
8/13/23: Woman in France claims she was hit by a meteorite; spaced-out over UFOs and UAPs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/20/23 LISTEN!
8/20/23: German scientists locate the playful part of the brain by tickling rats!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/27/23 LISTEN!
8/27/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from July 27, 2003, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 20 years ago.) | OH man sues Walmart for $1M over falling dog bowls; world's first underwater post office opens in Vanuatu!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/10/23 LISTEN!
9/10/23: GA man steals neighbor's entire front porch; truck spills red wine on WA roundabout!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/17/23 LISTEN!
9/17/23: WA burglary suspect chugs gasoline; Delta Airlines flight turns around when a passenger has diarrhea all the way through the plane!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/24/23 LISTEN!
9/24/23: FL man arrested while trying to run across the Atlantic Ocean in a giant hamster wheel; Montenegrins compete for title of Laziest Citizen!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/1/23 LISTEN!
10/1/23: KY pig wandering loose on Bacon Creek Road; VT robbery suspect eludes police on bike, sailboat, tractor, and dump truck!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/8/23 LISTEN!
10/8/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from April 2, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, which features a compilation of food-related stories from the previous decade.) | First McDonald's opens in India; FL school board candidate has bachelor's degree from Hamburger University; demented Thanksgiving dinner recipe!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/15/23 LISTEN!
10/15/23: Elk's antlers tangled up in TV cables in PA; CA man arrested on DUI charges while riding a horse!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/22/23 LISTEN!
10/22/23: Demented BOOOS: WA carpool lane driver's only passenger is a Halloween mask; giant Chucky doll arrested in Mexico!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/29/23 LISTEN!
10/29/23: Demented BOOOS: FL fourth-grade teacher accidentally shows Winnie-the-Pooh slasher movie to students!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/11/23 LISTEN!
11/11/23: Naked man climbs NC transmission tower; remembering the topless, fire-breathing woman who danced on a WA electrical tower!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/18/23 LISTEN!
11/18/23: Demolition deer crash through VA restaurant and MI lingerie store; NC highway covered in logs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/25/23 LISTEN!
11/25/23: IA man earns world record for his collection of nearly 70,000 pencils; ISS astronauts' lost tool bag is orbiting Earth!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/9/23 LISTEN!
12/9/23: Santa Claus' chair stolen during IN parade prep; Mr. & Mrs. Claus' divorce rumors!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/16/23 LISTEN!
12/16/23: CA woman discovers live possum in her artificial Christmas tree; TikToker causes stir over video of her artificial Christmas tree in the bathtub!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/23/23 LISTEN!
12/23/23: Six-foot-tall nutcracker statue stolen by bikers from outside UK restaurant; NY house with world-record 720,000 Christmas lights does not delight neighbors!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/13/24 LISTEN!
1/13/24: OR bomb squad investigates dog poop bag dispenser that resembles hand grenade; Australian man breaks world record for fastest time to put on 10 pairs of underpants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/20/24 LISTEN!
1/20/24: PA dog eats four grand in cash; proposed NH state consitutional initiative aims to replace the word "cherish" with the word "cherish"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/27/24 LISTEN!
1/27/24: MI's Wayne State University Word Warriors release their annual list of long-lost words due for a comeback!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/3/24 LISTEN!
2/3/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from August 14, 1994, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, nearly 30 years ago.) | Universal Studios spending $65M on Jurassic Park home video promotion; Whimsical Willy's baby bulletin; rescuing Popsicle Phil from Jupiter!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/10/24 LISTEN!
2/10/24: KY convenience store restrooms turn into disco clubs; NJ property peppered by pepperoni!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/17/24 LISTEN!
2/17/24: A 285-year-old lemon sells for $2,780 at auction; CO man bites off and spits out arresting police officer's finger!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/24/24 LISTEN!
2/24/24: Bags of ice stolen from OH dollar store; ID bill proposes to expand the definition of cannibalism due to human composting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/9/24 LISTEN!
3/9/24: Danish man shoves 68 matches up his nose for new world record; wedding ceremony held in KY convenience store's disco bathroom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/16/24 LISTEN!
3/16/24: TX ATM robber removes security guard's pants; 50 pounds of gum removed from underneath seats at Red Rocks Amphitheatre in CO!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/23/24 LISTEN!
3/23/24: MA library's "March Meowness" accepts cat pictures to pay fines; interstellar signal linked to aliens was actually a passing truck!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/30/24 LISTEN!
3/30/24: MO museum breaks world record for underwear worn on head; Philadelphia Phillies scrap $1 hot dog deal following unruly fan behavior!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/6/24 LISTEN!
4/6/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from August 3, 2003, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, nearly 21 years ago.) | UK school asks parents for donations of toilet paper; 75-year-old woman in China upsets neighbors by cooking topless on her apartment balcony; rocker Ted Nugent chased out of his home by mold!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/20/24 LISTEN!
4/20/24: Walt Disney World tourist steals Mickey Mouse ears from woman's head; view of the solar eclipse from the Land of Dementia!

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