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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 7/25/21

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Enjoy an archive of the past year.





AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS" (most recent report at bottom of page)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/2/20 LISTEN!
8/2/20: FL woman calls 911 over broken refrigerator; Country Time offering $100 bailout checks to lemonade-stand kids!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/9/20 LISTEN!
8/9/20: Computer hackers wipe out online databases, leaving "MEOW" behind; pub in Australian outback bans pair of local emus!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/16/20 LISTEN!
8/16/20: RI tax refund checks signed by Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney; tourist breaks toes off statue at Italy museum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/23/20 LISTEN!
8/23/20: Covid-closed German circus making extra money selling lion poop; remembering alpaca poo fundraiser at IL school!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/30/20 LISTEN!
8/30/20: Remembering postal antics: WI carrier delivers mail in the nude; FL carrier won't deliiver to nudist resort!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/6/20 LISTEN!
9/6/20: Nude Australian man gets hosed down in car wash; new world record for fastest Internet speed: 178 terabits per second!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/13/20 LISTEN!
9/13/20: $300k worth of pistachios stolen in California; parrot at British zoo impersonates pop singers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/20/20 LISTEN!
9/20/20: Musical composition by John Cage will take 639 years to play; commemorating 40 years as Whimsical Will!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/27/20 LISTEN!
9/27/20: Chuck E. Cheese plans to destroy 7,000,000,000 prize tickets; UK bus rider wears live snake as face mask!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/4/20 LISTEN!
10/4/20: IL man has kept Richard Nixon's half-eaten sandwich for 60 years; toilet paper in China printed with English words for language students!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/11/20 LISTEN!
10/11/20: IL bicyclist rides from Poo Poo Point in WA to Pee Pee Creek, OH; debate season in Land of Dementia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/18/20 LISTEN!
10/18/20: MI man poops in box at the store and then puts it back on the shelf; Facebook flags onion photo as overtly sexual!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/25/20 LISTEN!
10/25/20: "Demented BOOOOS": Brain washes up on Wisconsin shore; censorship algorithms run amok on scary social media!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/1/20 LISTEN!
11/1/20: "Demented BOOOOS": Package comtaining horse skeleton confiscated in FL; funeral homes offering free rides to polling places on Election Day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/8/20 LISTEN!
11/8/20: Canada baffled by theft of a half-ton of grapes from vineyard; India governmental agency claims cow dung chip protects against radiation!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/15/20 LISTEN!
11/15/20: "Baby Shark Dance" sets a new Guinness world record with more than seven billion YouTube views; update on the PUN-off race in the Land of Dementia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/22/20 LISTEN!
11/22/20: 87,000 turkeys explode at TX plant; cooking chickens in Yellowstone hot spring leads to arrest!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/29/20 LISTEN!
11/29/20: CA suspect evades authorities by going underwater; Canadians warned not to let moose lick cars!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/6/20 LISTEN!
12/6/20: Visiting Santa Claus during a very COVID Christmas; mall Santa protocols!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/13/20 LISTEN!
12/13/20: MA man plants tiny Christmas trees in potholes on busy road; Santa issues pardon to misfit elves!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/20/20 LISTEN!
12/20/20: Chorus of porta-potties sings Hallelujah Chorus; update on the socially-distant Santa Claus situation!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/27/20 LISTEN!
12/27/20: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Whimsical Will gets locked out!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/3/21 LISTEN!
1/3/21: Giving 2020 a not-so-fond farewell; 20,000 pounds of cheese balls spill on MD highway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/10/21 LISTEN!
1/10/21: Moscow woman marries her briefcase; ceiling fans recalled over renegade blades!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/17/21 LISTEN!
1/17/21: No Pants Subway Ride canceled due to COVID-19; Toronto thieves fill suitcase with meat!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/24/21 LISTEN!
1/24/21: Fallout from No Pants Subway Ride cancellation; Nova Scotia man caught driving with his pants down!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/31/21 LISTEN!
1/31/21: OK Rep.'s bill calls for Bigfoot hunting season; PA man steals Mentos and tries to flee in ambulance!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/7/21 LISTEN!
2/7/21: Pandemic causes Grape Nuts shortage; man tries to smuggle 74 chameleons through Vienna airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/14/21 LISTEN!
2/14/21: SD Humane Society offers a litter-box message for your ex; remembering Iowa farmer who wrote his wife a love message out of manure!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/21/21 LISTEN!
2/21/21: Man builds guitar out of dead uncle's skeleton; elevator door stolen from WA apartment building!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/28/21 LISTEN!
2/28/21: Naked woman walks around Las Vegas casino, shuts off power; remembering Seattle's fire-breathing, topless woman dancing on electrical tower!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/7/21 LISTEN!
3/7/21: Woman bites off man's tongue and then a seagull flies off with it; UK sausage thief crashes car during police chase!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/14/21 LISTEN!
3/14/21: Sidewalk stolen from UK village; remembering confused man who thinks portable cement mixer is a woman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/21/21 LISTEN!
3/21/21: Sony patents system which allows objects such as bananas to be used as video game controllers; remembering Tokyo's urinal video games!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/28/21 LISTEN!
3/28/21: Zoom Escaper app provides mischievous way to end calls; Czech zoo chimps enjoy Zooming; out-of-control unicyclist in IL!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/4/21 LISTEN!
4/4/21: FL woman stuck in storm drain for three weeks; 16 billion crabs could power classic computer game, Doom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/11/21 LISTEN!
4/11/21: Bolivian girl does her online schooling from graveyard; gassy pastor says his flatulence heals congregation!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/18/21 LISTEN!
4/18/21: Feline metal band, Cattera, drops first single; remembering album intended for feline listeners!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/25/21 LISTEN!
4/25/21: NC police arrest goat over attempted break-in; new WY law allows for roadkill to be picked up!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/2/21 LISTEN!
5/2/21: Scientists at MIT tranform spider webs into musical notes; garden gnome shortage in the UK!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/9/21 LISTEN!
5/9/21: Man in teddy bear costume walks from Los Angeles to San Francisco; boba tea impacted by tapioca shortage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/16/21 LISTEN!
5/16/21: Bride in India dumps groom for failing simple math test; Napoleon's handkerchief up for auction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/23/21 LISTEN!
5/23/21: Laughing gas pipeline leak in the Land of Dementia; WI bakery prints burglar's picture on cookies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/30/21 LISTEN!
5/30/21: OH woman arrested for using 10-pound beef log as weapon; dancing pedestrian on L.A. freeway causes traffic jam!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/6/21 LISTEN!
6/6/21: Investigating UFO sightings made by military personnel; inventing a more sanitary way to blow out birthday cake candles!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/13/21 LISTEN!
6/13/21: Invisible sculpture sells for $18k; UK truck crash spills tomato purée, resembling horror movie scene!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/20/21 LISTEN!
6/20/21: Wet Pants Denim sports "wet spot" design for that incontinence aesthetic; retired nun embezzles $800k from church to fund gambling habit!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/27/21 LISTEN!
6/27/21: Woodsat, the first wooden satellite, set to launch; OR legalizes human composting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/4/21 LISTEN!
7/4/21: Drought causing dirt-flavored water in CA; drought-busting water alternative!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/11/21 LISTEN!
7/11/21: Extreme weight-loss tool prevents mouth from opening wide enough to eat solid food; octopus paints work of art at FL aquarium!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/18/21 LISTEN!
7/18/21: MA police pursuit suspect takes detour through McDonald's drive-thru; alligator goes to church in FL!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/25/21 LISTEN!
7/25/21: Relaxing with ASMR phenomenon; MI man finds 160 bowling balls under his back stairs!



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