***WHIMSICALWILL.COM***

"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 2/28/21

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.




THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)


THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/8/20 LISTEN!
3/8/20: Canadian man uses rubber chicken to steal from fast-food restaurant; remembering clucking man stealing drills from Sears!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/15/20 LISTEN!
3/15/20: Price gouging and hoarding during challenging times; remembering record for most people inside a soap bubble!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/22/20 LISTEN!
3/22/20: UK boy sent home from school after charging students to use his hand sanitizer; runaway cow in Florida!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/29/20 LISTEN!
3/29/20: Social-distancing tips; shredded T-shirts as toilet paper clog sewer system in Redding, CA!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/5/20 LISTEN!
4/5/20: Stay-at-home workers keep webcams off due to lack of clothing; Portland strippers deliver food!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/12/20 LISTEN!
4/12/20: Australian physicist gets magnets stuck in his nose while trying to build a device to prevent face touching; truck's toilet-paper cargo burns!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/19/20 LISTEN!
4/19/20: MI man wears thong underwear as face mask, assaults taunter; MI wedding ceremony populated with 100 cardboard-cutout guests!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/26/20 LISTEN!
4/26/20: MD police issued warning about going outside to check mail without pants; UK woman in relationship with antique chandelier!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/3/20 LISTEN!
5/3/20: CT police on wild chase to catch a runaway pig; Icelandic Forest Service recommends hugging trees during social distancing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/10/20 LISTEN!
5/10/20: Tokyo aquarium organizing video chat so skittish eels and humans can interact again; Russian runner runs 62 miles in laps around his bed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/17/20 LISTEN!
5/17/20: It's an exclusive interview with a MURDER HORNET!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/24/20 LISTEN!
5/24/20: MA lawyer responds to state bar investigation with "boom shakalaka"; penguins poop laughing gas!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/31/20 LISTEN!
5/31/20: WY strip club reopens with masks-on, clothes-off party during pandemic; SC restaurant uses blow-up dolls to enforce social distancing; Korean soccer team fills stands with sex dolls!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/7/20 LISTEN!
6/7/20: Elvis Presley's rhinestone-studded jockstrap is up for sale; pro sports prepare return!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/14/20 LISTEN!
6/14/20: Romanian cobbler designs size-75 shoes to help enforce social distancing; man breaks into CA bank to heat up Hot Pocket!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/21/20 LISTEN!
6/21/20: OH woman throws burrito at gas station employee; Sir Isaac Newton's recipe for toad vomit lozenges up for auction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/28/20 LISTEN!
6/28/20: Soap opera using blow-up doll for love scenes; Vienna police fine man over "massive intestinal wind"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/5/20 LISTEN!
7/5/20: Guinness using leftover lockdown beer to fertilize Christmas trees; opera house in Spain stages concert for sold-out audience of 2,300 potted plants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/12/20 LISTEN!
7/12/20: Libraries warn against microwaving books to kill coronavirus; every item scanned at Canadian store shows up as "Mr. Potato Head"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/19/20 LISTEN!
7/19/20: No screaming allowed on roller coasters in Japan to help curb coronavirus; naked man rescued from MN sewer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/26/20 LISTEN!
7/26/20: Super Mario Bros. video game cartridge from 1985 sells for $114k; cow walks into a police station in Australia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/2/20 LISTEN!
8/2/20: FL woman calls 911 over broken refrigerator; Country Time offering $100 bailout checks to lemonade-stand kids!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/9/20 LISTEN!
8/9/20: Computer hackers wipe out online databases, leaving "MEOW" behind; pub in Australian outback bans pair of local emus!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/16/20 LISTEN!
8/16/20: RI tax refund checks signed by Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney; tourist breaks toes off statue at Italy museum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/23/20 LISTEN!
8/23/20: Covid-closed German circus making extra money selling lion poop; remembering alpaca poo fundraiser at IL school!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/30/20 LISTEN!
8/30/20: Remembering postal antics: WI carrier delivers mail in the nude; FL carrier won't deliiver to nudist resort!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/6/20 LISTEN!
9/6/20: Nude Australian man gets hosed down in car wash; new world record for fastest Internet speed: 178 terabits per second!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/13/20 LISTEN!
9/13/20: $300k worth of pistachios stolen in California; parrot at British zoo impersonates pop singers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/20/20 LISTEN!
9/20/20: Musical composition by John Cage will take 639 years to play; commemorating 40 years as Whimsical Will!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/27/20 LISTEN!
9/27/20: Chuck E. Cheese plans to destroy 7,000,000,000 prize tickets; UK bus rider wears live snake as face mask!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/4/20 LISTEN!
10/4/20: IL man has kept Richard Nixon's half-eaten sandwich for 60 years; toilet paper in China printed with English words for language students!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/11/20 LISTEN!
10/11/20: IL bicyclist rides from Poo Poo Point in WA to Pee Pee Creek, OH; debate season in Land of Dementia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/18/20 LISTEN!
10/18/20: MI man poops in box at the store and then puts it back on the shelf; Facebook flags onion photo as overtly sexual!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/25/20 LISTEN!
10/25/20: "Demented BOOOOS": Brain washes up on Wisconsin shore; censorship algorithms run amok on scary social media!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/1/20 LISTEN!
11/1/20: "Demented BOOOOS": Package comtaining horse skeleton confiscated in FL; funeral homes offering free rides to polling places on Election Day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/8/20 LISTEN!
11/8/20: Canada baffled by theft of a half-ton of grapes from vineyard; India governmental agency claims cow dung chip protects against radiation!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/15/20 LISTEN!
11/15/20: "Baby Shark Dance" sets a new Guinness world record with more than seven billion YouTube views; update on the PUN-off race in the Land of Dementia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/22/20 LISTEN!
11/22/20: 87,000 turkeys explode at TX plant; cooking chickens in Yellowstone hot spring leads to arrest!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/29/20 LISTEN!
11/29/20: CA suspect evades authorities by going underwater; Canadians warned not to let moose lick cars!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/6/20 LISTEN!
12/6/20: Visiting Santa Claus during a very COVID Christmas; mall Santa protocols!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/13/20 LISTEN!
12/13/20: MA man plants tiny Christmas trees in potholes on busy road; Santa issues pardon to misfit elves!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/20/20 LISTEN!
12/20/20: Chorus of porta-potties sings Hallelujah Chorus; update on the socially-distant Santa Claus situation!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/27/20 LISTEN!
12/27/20: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Whimsical Will gets locked out!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/3/21 LISTEN!
1/3/21: Giving 2020 a not-so-fond farewell; 20,000 pounds of cheese balls spill on MD highway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/10/21 LISTEN!
1/10/21: Moscow woman marries her briefcase; ceiling fans recalled over renegade blades!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/17/21 LISTEN!
1/17/21: No Pants Subway Ride canceled due to COVID-19; Toronto thieves fill suitcase with meat!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/24/21 LISTEN!
1/24/21: Fallout from No Pants Subway Ride cancellation; Nova Scotia man caught driving with his pants down!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/31/21 LISTEN!
1/31/21: OK Rep.'s bill calls for Bigfoot hunting season; PA man steals Mentos and tries to flee in ambulance!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/7/21 LISTEN!
2/7/21: Pandemic causes Grape Nuts shortage; man tries to smuggle 74 chameleons through Vienna airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/14/21 LISTEN!
2/14/21: SD Humane Society offers a litter-box message for your ex; remembering Iowa farmer who wrote his wife a love message out of manure!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/21/21 LISTEN!
2/21/21: Man builds guitar out of dead uncle's skeleton; elevator door stolen from WA apartment building!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/28/21 LISTEN!
2/28/21: Naked woman walks around Las Vegas casino, shuts off power; remembering Seattle's fire-breathing, topless woman dancing on electrical tower!



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