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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 12/21/24

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show!
Enjoy an archive from the past few years.

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/21/24 LISTEN!
12/21/24: Van containing 2,500 holiday pies stolen in UK!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/14/24 LISTEN!
12/14/24: It's your silly survival guide to the holidays with the Demented Travel Report!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/7/24 LISTEN!
12/7/24: Flashing back 20 years to my quest for the most deeemented holiday decoration in "Christmas Cut-Up (2004)"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/30/24 LISTEN!
11/30/24: Canadian rock band plays world's deepest concert in mine; cigarette smuggler disguised as water plant caught trying to cross river!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/23/24 LISTEN!
11/23/24: 77-year-old slice of Queen Elizabeth II's wedding cake sells for $2,800; robot that watched surgery videos performs with skill of human doctor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/16/24 LISTEN!
11/16/24: Romanian concert pianist hits piano key 500 times in 30 seconds; "infinite monkey theorem" debunked... again!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/2/24 LISTEN!
11/2/24: New Zealand airport imposes time limit on hugging; giant catapult launches satellites into orbit!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/26/24 LISTEN!
10/26/24: Demented BOOOS: Mysterious white blobs wash up on Newfoundland shores; most Halloween costumes end up in landfills!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/19/24 LISTEN!
10/19/24: Demented BOOOS: Drunk Las Vegas woman steals coffin with body inside; remembering WV woman who stole hearse containing corpse!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/12/24 LISTEN!
10/12/24: Attractive people complain about the horrible experience of being good-looking!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/5/24 LISTEN!
10/5/24: German woman ends nine-year romantic relationship with Boeing 737 airplane; Tupperware files for bankruptcy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/28/24 LISTEN!
9/28/24: NC school warning students about bed bugs in their laptop computers; remembering the Australian couple who found a snake inside their printer, and the man in Germany who returned computers filled with potatoes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/21/24 LISTEN!
9/21/24: Man in the Netherlands has himself delivered to ex-girlfriend's home to "get back his stuff"; remembering man in China who mailed himself to girlfriend and nearly suffocated!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/14/24 LISTEN!
9/14/24: Burglar in Italy busted after getting distracted by bedside book; spilled load of french fries closes CA highway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/7/24 LISTEN!
9/7/24: San Diego's "Bubble Man" ticketed for liquid littering!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/31/24 LISTEN!
8/31/24: Linguistic study reveals young people feel intimidated by full stops in text messages!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/24/24 LISTEN!
8/24/24: Physicists solve nuclear fusion mystery with mayonnaise!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/17/24 LISTEN!
8/17/24: UK woman's collection of 163 bedpans fails to sell at auction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/3/24 LISTEN!
8/3/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from August 10, 2003, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 21 years ago.) | Woman in Israel swallows fork while trying to retrieve cockroach from her throat; ME couple plans garbage-dump wedding!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/27/24 LISTEN!
7/27/24: Onesie-wearing Ohio man named "Mr. Pancake" caught hiding stolen hamsters in his pants; man in China attempts to smuggle 100 live trouser snakes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/20/24 LISTEN!
7/20/24: Man in Japan finds 63-leaf clover; overworked South Korean robot throws itself down stairs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/13/24 LISTEN!
7/13/24: Trees have become a hidden source of air pollution; Rolex watch believed to have been eaten by a cow turns up 50 years later!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/6/24 LISTEN!
7/6/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 30, 2002, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | Man in Thailand sets fire to cars because he claims the sound of sirens sends him into a sexual frenzy; woman in Hong Kong tries to sue hairdresser who made her look like Osama bin Laden!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/29/24 LISTEN!
6/29/24: Wells Fargo fires employees over mouse jigglers; doctor in India claims he found a human finger in his ice cream!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/22/24 LISTEN!
6/22/24: Cold Stone Creamery sued over lack of pistachios in pistachio ice cream; remembering $300k pistachio heist in CA!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/15/24 LISTEN!
6/15/24: World's largest collection of fossilized dinosaur dung at "Poozeum" in AZ; man in India breaks his own record for typing with his nose!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/8/24 LISTEN!
6/8/24: Atari buys Intellivision, ending the longest-running console war in video game history; Mimi is still waiting for her ColecoVision Donkey Kong Jr. cartridge!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/1/24 LISTEN!
6/1/24: Truck hauling 15 million bees crashes in Maine; swarm of bees atop backstop netting delays Dodgers-Diamondbacks game!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/25/24 LISTEN!
5/25/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from February 18, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 23 years ago.) | Danish stripper tries to write off cost of breast enlargement; Tawny Peaks 69-HH breasts accused of being lethal weapons; strip club attendee sues over injuries caused by Busty Heart's 88-inch breasts slammed into his head and neck!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/18/24 LISTEN!
5/18/24: UK water company posts list of unusual sewer finds; Firefox user goes viral with 7,470 browser tabs open simultaneously!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/11/24 LISTEN!
5/11/24: Ghana man hugs 1,123 trees in an hour for new world record; dating app for trees!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/4/24 LISTEN!
5/4/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback commemorating the 50th anniversary of streaking, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, featuring bare facts from 2001 and 2019.) | Australian mom streaks in front of 20,000 rugby fans; streaker shuts down SC airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/27/24 LISTEN!
4/27/24: Naked man appears in Dublin court after support cat goes missing during traffic stop; remembering MA man who missed court date because he had no pants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/20/24 LISTEN!
4/20/24: Walt Disney World tourist steals Mickey Mouse ears from woman's head; view of the solar eclipse from the Land of Dementia!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/6/24 LISTEN!
4/6/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from August 3, 2003, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, nearly 21 years ago.) | UK school asks parents for donations of toilet paper; 75-year-old woman in China upsets neighbors by cooking topless on her apartment balcony; rocker Ted Nugent chased out of his home by mold!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/30/24 LISTEN!
3/30/24: MO museum breaks world record for underwear worn on head; Philadelphia Phillies scrap $1 hot dog deal following unruly fan behavior!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/23/24 LISTEN!
3/23/24: MA library's "March Meowness" accepts cat pictures to pay fines; interstellar signal linked to aliens was actually a passing truck!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/16/24 LISTEN!
3/16/24: TX ATM robber removes security guard's pants; 50 pounds of gum removed from underneath seats at Red Rocks Amphitheatre in CO!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/9/24 LISTEN!
3/9/24: Danish man shoves 68 matches up his nose for new world record; wedding ceremony held in KY convenience store's disco bathroom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/24/24 LISTEN!
2/24/24: Bags of ice stolen from OH dollar store; ID bill proposes to expand the definition of cannibalism due to human composting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/17/24 LISTEN!
2/17/24: A 285-year-old lemon sells for $2,780 at auction; CO man bites off and spits out arresting police officer's finger!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/10/24 LISTEN!
2/10/24: KY convenience store restrooms turn into disco clubs; NJ property peppered by pepperoni!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/3/24 LISTEN!
2/3/24: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from August 14, 1994, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, nearly 30 years ago.) | Universal Studios spending $65M on Jurassic Park home video promotion; Whimsical Willy's baby bulletin; rescuing Popsicle Phil from Jupiter!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/27/24 LISTEN!
1/27/24: MI's Wayne State University Word Warriors release their annual list of long-lost words due for a comeback!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/20/24 LISTEN!
1/20/24: PA dog eats $4000 in cash; proposed NH state consitutional initiative aims to replace the word "cherish" with the word "cherish"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/13/24 LISTEN!
1/13/24: OR bomb squad investigates dog poop bag dispenser that resembles hand grenade; Australian man breaks world record for fastest time to put on 10 pairs of underpants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/23/23 LISTEN!
12/23/23: Six-foot-tall nutcracker statue stolen by bikers from outside UK restaurant; NY house with world-record 720,000 Christmas lights does not delight neighbors!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/16/23 LISTEN!
12/16/23: CA woman discovers live possum in her artificial Christmas tree; TikToker causes stir over video of her artificial Christmas tree in the bathtub!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/9/23 LISTEN!
12/9/23: Santa Claus' chair stolen during IN parade prep; Mr. & Mrs. Claus' divorce rumors!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/25/23 LISTEN!
11/25/23: IA man earns world record for his collection of nearly 70,000 pencils; ISS astronauts' missing tool bag is orbiting Earth!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/18/23 LISTEN!
11/18/23: Demolition deer crash through VA restaurant and MI lingerie store; NC highway covered in logs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/11/23 LISTEN!
11/11/23: Naked man climbs NC transmission tower; remembering the topless, fire-breathing woman who danced on a WA electrical tower!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/29/23 LISTEN!
10/29/23: Demented BOOOS: FL fourth-grade teacher accidentally shows Winnie-the-Pooh slasher movie to students!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/22/23 LISTEN!
10/22/23: Demented BOOOS: WA carpool lane driver's only passenger is a Halloween mask; giant Chucky doll arrested in Mexico!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/15/23 LISTEN!
10/15/23: Elk's antlers tangled up in TV cables in PA; CA man arrested on DUI charges while riding a horse!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/8/23 LISTEN!
10/8/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from April 2, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, which features a compilation of food-related stories from the previous decade.) | First McDonald's opens in India; FL school board candidate has bachelor's degree from Hamburger University; demented Thanksgiving dinner recipe!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/1/23 LISTEN!
10/1/23: KY pig wandering loose on Bacon Creek Road; VT robbery suspect eludes police on bike, sailboat, tractor, and dump truck!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/24/23 LISTEN!
9/24/23: FL man arrested while trying to run across the Atlantic Ocean in a giant hamster wheel; Montenegrins compete for title of Laziest Citizen!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/17/23 LISTEN!
9/17/23: WA burglary suspect chugs gasoline; Delta Airlines flight turns around when a passenger has diarrhea all the way through the plane!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/10/23 LISTEN!
9/10/23: GA man steals neighbor's entire front porch; truck spills red wine on WA roundabout!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/27/23 LISTEN!
8/27/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from July 27, 2003, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 20 years ago.) | OH man sues Walmart for $1M over falling dog bowls; world's first underwater post office opens in Vanuatu!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/20/23 LISTEN!
8/20/23: German scientists locate the playful part of the brain by tickling rats!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/13/23 LISTEN!
8/13/23: Woman in France claims she was hit by a meteorite; spaced-out over UFOs and UAPs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/30/23 LISTEN!
7/30/23: Truck hauling load of bananas catches fire on FL highway; Burger King in Brazil offers Barbie Burger with pink sauce!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/23/23 LISTEN!
7/23/23: Man and woman fight in UK street over duck; Canadian judge rules thumbs-up emoji contractually binding!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/16/23 LISTEN!
7/16/23: Philly thief steals more than a million dimes; Atlanta auto repair employee paid with 91,500 oily pennies dumped in driveway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/2/23 LISTEN!
7/2/23: Long Island, NY, town candidate stands naked at his front door; Sri Lankan man has world's largest kidney stone!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/25/23 LISTEN!
6/25/23: NY Yankees broadcaster hit by foul ball while on the air; recovering stolen organ pipes from Memphis church!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/18/23 LISTEN!
6/18/23: The Little Mermaid tracked by modern technology; Philly Naked Bike Ride returns this summer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/4/23 LISTEN!
6/4/23: Spill from sewage truck causes a stinky situation on CO interstate; AM radio missing from many new cars!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/28/23 LISTEN!
5/28/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 9, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, just two days before 9/11.) | Australian mom streaks in front of 20,000 rugby fans; police in Iran threaten to arrest shopkeepers who sell dogs or display naked mannequins and underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/21/23 LISTEN!
5/21/23: CA avocado heist worth more than $300k; mysterious mounds of pasta found near NJ stream!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/14/23 LISTEN!
5/14/23: Truck spills load of glue on MI highway; remembering the woman who glued her naked buttocks to the window of a London department store!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/30/23 LISTEN!
4/30/23: Swedish man cracks 46 joints in his body to set new world record; revisiting demented "Copycat Corner" soundalike songs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/23/23 LISTEN!
4/23/23: Barbie dolls blasted with liquid nitrogen to test new method of moon dust cleanup!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/16/23 LISTEN!
4/16/23: Thieves in Madrid steal 38,000 pounds of olives; Portland man steals forklift and chases pedestrians through downtown streets!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/9/23 LISTEN!
4/9/23: Jack Daniel's vs. "Bad Spaniels" over poop-themed dog chew toy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/26/23 LISTEN!
3/26/23: Deworming China's viral "worm rain" images; Australian man catches ping pong balls on his shaving cream-covered head to break world record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/19/23 LISTEN!
3/19/23: FL strip club destroyed by hurricane reopens inside circus tent; British bus driver gives sheep a ride!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/12/23 LISTEN!
3/12/23: CA man sets world record by visiting Disneyland for nearly 3,000 consecutive days; Pentagon warns troops about eating poppy seeds before taking drug tests!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/5/23 LISTEN!
3/5/23: Oscar Mayer Wienermobile catalytic converter theft; Barney the Dinosaur making a comeback!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/26/23 LISTEN!
2/26/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from January 20, 2002, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 21 years ago.) | IA man drives naked for 15,000 miles; NZ man mows neighbor's lawn in the nude; IN burglar takes shower and flees naked; German man wants to be buried with his collection of porno videos!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/19/23 LISTEN!
2/19/23: Naked man swinging toilet plunger runs through Des Moines hotel; Roman sewer workers unearth ancient emperor statue!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/12/23 LISTEN!
2/12/23: Pet fish in Japan goes online and runs up its owner's credit card bill; Black Eyed Peas sue Poopsie Slime Surprise unicorn toy over "My Poops" song!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/5/23 LISTEN!
2/5/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from March 11, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | New study finds happiness could be hazardous to your health; MD man smuggles 70 homing pigeons in his pants [story from 1994]; Austrian tourist arrested in Brazil for transporting bird eggs in his underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/29/23 LISTEN!
1/29/23: Venomous snake found hiding in printer at Austrailian workplace; IN authorities mistake runaway yaks for bison, post correction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/23 LISTEN!
1/22/23: Human hair recycled in Belgium to protect the environment; movie producer Michael Bay charged in Italy with killing a pigeon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/23 LISTEN!
1/15/23: Hospital in France is evacuated when an 88-year-old man shows up with a WWI artillery shell lodged in his rectum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/23 LISTEN!
1/8/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is a flashback to movie-related Deeementia! Instead of the "Demented News," my first movie adventure -- a 1986 "break-in" interview with Howard the Duck -- is remembered!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/23 LISTEN!
1/1/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is the Funny 25 countdown for 2022! For the 1989 countdown, I covered the pre-show festivities... and had a few misadventures, myself!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/22 LISTEN!
12/25/22: Police in Poland seek man dressed like Christmas tree who slashed tires at meat warehouse; bear attacks inflatable Rudolph holiday decoration in Lake Tahoe yard!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/22 LISTEN!
12/18/22: Mick Fleetwood's dangling wooden balls pictured on the Fleetwood Mac Rumours album cover sell at auction for $128k!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/22 LISTEN!
12/11/22: Survey says one in three Americans have never built a snowman; remembering the NFL player who was late for a team meeting because he was building a snowman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/22 LISTEN!
12/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 30, 1997, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 25 years ago.) | CA prisoner suing over missing nutrition facts on bag of chips; new idiot warning labels during "Here's Your Sign" craze; Toyota & Chevrolet teaming up for new car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/22 LISTEN!
11/27/22: Doctor assembles leg bones in record time; IA man claps hands 1,140 times in one minute, breaking world record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/22 LISTEN!
11/20/22: Video game VR headset actually kills player if on-screen character dies; scientists preparing official alien contact protocol should E.T. call Earth!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/22 LISTEN!
11/13/22: Mass quantities of bologna and cheese seized at TX border; Taylor Swift captures the entire top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/22 LISTEN!
11/6/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 7, 2004, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 18 years ago.) | MI police arrest Elvis Presley and Jake Blues impersonators after car chase; Romanian villiagers flee after mistaking disco lights for an alien invasion!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/22 LISTEN!
10/30/22: Demented BOOOS: Scientists in Australia teach a dish of living brain cells to play the video game, Pong!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/22 LISTEN!
10/23/22: Demented BOOOS: Snakes and mice falling from the ceiling at a KY high school; CA school dance postponed due to bats in the gym!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/22 LISTEN!
10/16/22: Passengers report odd moaning and grunting over American Airlines PA system; FL field reporter uses condom to protect microphone during hurricane coverage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/22 LISTEN!
10/9/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 25, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | Wedding in Taiwan takes place inside a public bathroom (WARNING: dangerous puns!); airplane drops jars of marmalade, shattering a car's windshield!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/22 LISTEN!
10/2/22: Canadian candidate/realtor advises landlords to defecate in tenants' dwellings to assert ownership; trail of slime leads German customs officials to stash of 93 giant snails!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/22 LISTEN!
9/25/22: Canadian man poses as reflexologist to massage strangers' feet; remembering NE man who hid under cars to touch women's feet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/22 LISTEN!
9/18/22: Pilot theatens to turn plane around over passenger's nude photos; remembering vacationing nudists on German airline!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/22 LISTEN!
9/11/22: PA police search for stolen gallon of milk; man in India removes his thumbprint and pastes it on his friend's hand to appear for exam!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/22 LISTEN!
9/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 4, 1994, so here is the *long and rambling* "Demented News" report from that show, 28 years ago this week.) | Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons are back on the pop charts; digging up dirt on coroners!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/22 LISTEN!
8/28/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from February 20, 2005, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 17 1/2 years ago.) | ME man repeatedly fakes heart attacks to avoid paying his restaurant tab; NY high school student put sheep's brain in salad dressing at the school cafeteria!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/22 LISTEN!
8/21/22: Belgian researchers study pigs' response to music; remembering sharks' aFINnity for jazz!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/22 LISTEN!
8/14/22: Albuquerque misspelled on NM road sign; planet Earth's faster rotation sets a new record for the shortest day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/22 LISTEN!
8/7/22: Two men in Italy set new world record for changing a tire on a moving car; TX woman in a traffic jam twerks on top of her car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/22 LISTEN!
7/31/22: RI strip club robbed of $20k in $1 bills; tuning in to radio signals from a distant galaxy!

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