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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 11/27/22

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Enjoy an archive of the past year.





AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"
(most recent report at bottom of page)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/5/21 LISTEN!
12/5/21: Tracking your holiday gifts with a special report aboard a container ship!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/12/21 LISTEN!
12/12/21: Labor shortage hits the Santa Claus industry; animated Santa display in Iowa appears to make a naughty gesture!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/19/21 LISTEN!
12/19/21: Deer in Canada wandering with Christmas lights caught in antlers; Grinch's cave available for rent in Colorado!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/26/21 LISTEN!
12/26/21: From New Year's Day in 1995, it's a whimsical look at some of the songs that didn't quite make it to the Funny 25 countdown!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/2/22 LISTEN!
1/2/22: Home imvasion in Singapore involved chocolates and prune juice; 58-foot pedestrian bridge stolen in Ohio!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/9/22 LISTEN!
1/9/22: Two truckloads of butter stolen in Canada; rats trained to play classic computer game, Doom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/16/22 LISTEN!
1/16/22: Scientists in Israel train goldfish to drive on dry land; ancient Egyptian mummy undergoes CT scan!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/23/22 LISTEN!
1/23/22: LP of bird sounds is a Top 5 hit in Australia; Norway military personnal ordered to share their underwear with new recruits!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/30/22 LISTEN!
1/30/22: Toronto man steals guitar by hiding it down his pants; Russian artist arrested over giant turd snow sculpture; update on Norway military underwear sharing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/6/22 LISTEN!
2/6/22: Robot vacuum cleaner escapes from a UK Travelodge; remembering Roomba mistaken for a burglar!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/13/22 LISTEN!
2/13/22: French scientists create a bubble that takes more than a year to pop; helium miners strike!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/20/22 LISTEN!
2/20/22: British scientists extract more than 2,300 volts from 3,000 lemons; remembering rotten bananas powering homes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/27/22 LISTEN!
2/27/22: Idaho Potato Commission offers french fry-scented perfume; NASA research center overrun with turkeys!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/6/22 LISTEN!
3/6/22: OH police officer uses dicarded phone books to fill pothole; TN man accused of hitting his wife with a loaf of bread!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/13/22 LISTEN!
3/13/22: UK plant-based pet food company offering $6k for job to smell dog poo; world's tallest fork installed in OR!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/20/22 LISTEN!
3/20/22: NC woman with "FART" vanity license plate questioned by DMV; remembering NH woman with "PB4WEGO" plate!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/27/22 LISTEN!
3/27/22: Ford to ship new cars without certain parts due to chip shortage; remembering tomatoes as car parts!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/3/22 LISTEN!
4/3/22: TX man convicted of stealing $1.2-million dollars in fajitas will be eligible for parole; CA cop claims his mustache helped capture runaway donkey!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/10/22 LISTEN!
4/10/22: "Men's Underwear Index" called a key economic predictor; police in Columbus, OH, dropping marshmallows by helicopter!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/17/22 LISTEN!
4/17/22: Dyson vacuum cleaner company designed headphones with built-in air purifier; chocolate bunny used as weapon in Canada!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/24/22 LISTEN!
4/24/22: TX man beats roommate over argument about what mosquitoes look like; ID man reclaims world record by balancing a lawnmower on his chin for 30 minutes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/1/22 LISTEN!
5/1/22: MN man threatens hotel employee with wizard's wand; SC man arrested for hitting pedestrians with cream pies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/8/22 LISTEN!
5/8/22: UK woman marries her cat to avoid eviction; remembering Israeli woman who married a dolphin!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/15/22 LISTEN!
5/15/22: Crimes on the moon could be added to Canada's criminal code; MD man dressed as poop emoji sets off stink bomb at city council meeting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/22/22 LISTEN!
5/22/22: Canadian lawmaker joins parliamentary session from a toilet stall; ME man hides under a blanket in an attempt to evade police!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/29/22 LISTEN!
5/29/22: UT mom selling 4,000 ounces of breast milk to help counter baby formula shortage; remembering UK mom who also milked the supply!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/5/22 LISTEN!
6/5/22: Fish in Florida are on drugs; Dublin Airbnb lists tent as "private room under the stars"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/12/22 LISTEN!
6/12/22: My 2-worth on millennials' cash-handling skills, or the lack thereof! (from 2019)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/19/22 LISTEN!
6/19/22: Demented fallout from the Las Vegas, Elvis-themed wedding controversy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/26/22 LISTEN!
6/26/22: AZ restaurant encourages diners to lick the walls; NY man arrested three times for having too many bird feeders in his yard!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/3/22 LISTEN!
7/3/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 30, 1996, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 26 years ago this week.) | CA woman talks (and talks) her way out of a carjacking; earthquake season in the Land of Dementia; PETA objects to the Dead Gopher Museum in Canada!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/10/22 LISTEN!
7/10/22: Human Record Player website requires the user to spin around to hear Weezer's latest song; remembering "And Vinyly," which offers to press your ashes into a playable vinyl record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/17/22 LISTEN!
7/17/22: OR man alphabetizes letters from an alphabet soup can in record time; Microsoft ends support for the Internet Explorer browser after nearly 27 years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/24/22 LISTEN!
7/24/22: Environmentally-friendly car paint made from sewage; rock memorabilia dealers charged with scheme to sell Eagles lyrics!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/22 LISTEN!
7/31/22: RI strip club robbed of $20k in $1 bills; tuning in to radio signals from a distant galaxy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/22 LISTEN!
8/7/22: Two men in Italy set new world record for changing a tire on a moving car; TX woman in a traffic jam twerks on top of her car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/22 LISTEN!
8/14/22: Albuquerque misspelled on NM road sign; planet Earth's faster rotation sets a new record for the shortest day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/22 LISTEN!
8/21/22: Belgian researchers study pigs' response to music; remembering sharks' aFINnity for jazz!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/22 LISTEN!
8/28/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from February 20, 2005, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 17 1/2 years ago.) | ME man repeatedly fakes heart attacks to avoid paying his restaurant tab; NY high school student put sheep's brain in salad dressing at the school cafeteria!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/22 LISTEN!
9/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 4, 1994, so here is the *long and rambling* "Demented News" report from that show, 28 years ago this week.) | Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons are back on the pop charts; digging up dirt on coroners!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/22 LISTEN!
9/11/22: PA police search for stolen gallon of milk; man in India removes his thumbprint and pastes it on his friend's hand to appear for exam!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/22 LISTEN!
9/18/22: Pilot theatens to turn plane around over passenger's nude photos; remembering vacationing nudists on German airline!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/22 LISTEN!
9/25/22: Canadian man poses as reflexologist to massage strangers' feet; remembering NE man who hid under cars to touch women's feet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/22 LISTEN!
10/2/22: Canadian candidate/realtor advises landlords to defecate in tenants' dwellings to assert ownership; trail of slime leads German customs officials to stash of 93 giant snails!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/22 LISTEN!
10/9/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 25, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | Wedding in Taiwan takes place inside a public bathroom (WARNING: dangerous puns!); airplane drops jars of marmalade, shattering a car's windshield!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/22 LISTEN!
10/16/22: Passengers report odd moaning and grunting over American Airlines PA system; FL field reporter uses condom to protect microphone during hurricane coverage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/22 LISTEN!
10/23/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Snakes and mice falling from the ceiling at a KY high school; CA school dance postponed due to bats in the gym!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/22 LISTEN!
10/30/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Scientists in Australia teach a dish of living brain cells to play the video game, Pong!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/22 LISTEN!
11/6/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 7, 2004, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 18 years ago.) | MI police arrest Elvis Presley and Jake Blues impersonators after car chase; Romanian villiagers flee after mistaking disco lights for an alien invasion!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/22 LISTEN!
11/13/22: Mass quantities of bologna and cheese seized at TX border; Taylor Swift captures the entire top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/22 LISTEN!
11/20/22: Video game VR headset actually kills player if on-screen character dies; scientists preparing official alien contact protocol should E.T. call Earth!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/22 LISTEN!
11/27/22: Doctor assembles leg bones in record time; IA man claps hands 1,140 times in one minute, breaking world record!



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