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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 3/26/23

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Enjoy an archive of the past year.



AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"
(most recent report at bottom of page)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/3/22 LISTEN!
4/3/22: TX man convicted of stealing $1.2-million dollars in fajitas will be eligible for parole; CA cop claims his mustache helped capture runaway donkey!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/10/22 LISTEN!
4/10/22: "Men's Underwear Index" called a key economic predictor; police in Columbus, OH, dropping marshmallows by helicopter!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/17/22 LISTEN!
4/17/22: Dyson vacuum cleaner company designed headphones with built-in air purifier; chocolate bunny used as weapon in Canada!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/24/22 LISTEN!
4/24/22: TX man beats roommate over argument about what mosquitoes look like; ID man reclaims world record by balancing a lawnmower on his chin for 30 minutes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/1/22 LISTEN!
5/1/22: MN man threatens hotel employee with wizard's wand; SC man arrested for hitting pedestrians with cream pies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/8/22 LISTEN!
5/8/22: UK woman marries her cat to avoid eviction; remembering Israeli woman who married a dolphin!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/15/22 LISTEN!
5/15/22: Crimes on the moon could be added to Canada's criminal code; MD man dressed as poop emoji sets off stink bomb at city council meeting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/22/22 LISTEN!
5/22/22: Canadian lawmaker joins parliamentary session from a toilet stall; ME man hides under a blanket in an attempt to evade police!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/29/22 LISTEN!
5/29/22: UT mom selling 4,000 ounces of breast milk to help counter baby formula shortage; remembering UK mom who also milked the supply!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/5/22 LISTEN!
6/5/22: Fish in Florida are on drugs; Dublin Airbnb lists tent as "private room under the stars"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/12/22 LISTEN!
6/12/22: My 2¢-worth on millennials' cash-handling skills, or the lack thereof! (from 2019)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/19/22 LISTEN!
6/19/22: Demented fallout from the Las Vegas Elvis-themed wedding controversy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/26/22 LISTEN!
6/26/22: AZ restaurant encourages diners to lick the walls; NY man arrested three times for having too many bird feeders in his yard!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/3/22 LISTEN!
7/3/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 30, 1996, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 26 years ago this week.) | CA woman talks (and talks) her way out of a carjacking; earthquake season in the Land of Dementia; PETA objects to the Dead Gopher Museum in Canada!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/10/22 LISTEN!
7/10/22: Human Record Player website requires the user to spin around to hear Weezer's latest song; remembering "And Vinyly," which offers to press your ashes into a playable vinyl record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/17/22 LISTEN!
7/17/22: OR man alphabetizes letters from an alphabet soup can in record time; Microsoft ends support for the Internet Explorer browser after nearly 27 years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/24/22 LISTEN!
7/24/22: Environmentally-friendly car paint made from sewage; rock memorabilia dealers charged with scheme to sell Eagles lyrics!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/22 LISTEN!
7/31/22: RI strip club robbed of $20k in $1 bills; tuning in to radio signals from a distant galaxy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/22 LISTEN!
8/7/22: Two men in Italy set new world record for changing a tire on a moving car; TX woman in a traffic jam twerks on top of her car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/22 LISTEN!
8/14/22: Albuquerque misspelled on NM road sign; planet Earth's faster rotation sets a new record for the shortest day!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/22 LISTEN!
8/21/22: Belgian researchers study pigs' response to music; remembering sharks' aFINnity for jazz!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/22 LISTEN!
8/28/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from February 20, 2005, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 17 1/2 years ago.) | ME man repeatedly fakes heart attacks to avoid paying his restaurant tab; NY high school student put sheep's brain in salad dressing at the school cafeteria!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/22 LISTEN!
9/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from September 4, 1994, so here is the *long and rambling* "Demented News" report from that show, 28 years ago this week.) | Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons are back on the pop charts; digging up dirt on coroners!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/22 LISTEN!
9/11/22: PA police search for stolen gallon of milk; man in India removes his thumbprint and pastes it on his friend's hand to appear for exam!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/22 LISTEN!
9/18/22: Pilot theatens to turn plane around over passenger's nude photos; remembering vacationing nudists on German airline!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/22 LISTEN!
9/25/22: Canadian man poses as reflexologist to massage strangers' feet; remembering NE man who hid under cars to touch women's feet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/22 LISTEN!
10/2/22: Canadian candidate/realtor advises landlords to defecate in tenants' dwellings to assert ownership; trail of slime leads German customs officials to stash of 93 giant snails!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/22 LISTEN!
10/9/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from June 25, 2000, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | Wedding in Taiwan takes place inside a public bathroom (WARNING: dangerous puns!); airplane drops jars of marmalade, shattering a car's windshield!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/22 LISTEN!
10/16/22: Passengers report odd moaning and grunting over American Airlines PA system; FL field reporter uses condom to protect microphone during hurricane coverage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/22 LISTEN!
10/23/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Snakes and mice falling from the ceiling at a KY high school; CA school dance postponed due to bats in the gym!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/22 LISTEN!
10/30/22: "Demented BOOOOS": Scientists in Australia teach a dish of living brain cells to play the video game, Pong!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/22 LISTEN!
11/6/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 7, 2004, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 18 years ago.) | MI police arrest Elvis Presley and Jake Blues impersonators after car chase; Romanian villiagers flee after mistaking disco lights for an alien invasion!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/22 LISTEN!
11/13/22: Mass quantities of bologna and cheese seized at TX border; Taylor Swift captures the entire top 10 on the Billboard Hot 100!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/22 LISTEN!
11/20/22: Video game VR headset actually kills player if on-screen character dies; scientists preparing official alien contact protocol should E.T. call Earth!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/22 LISTEN!
11/27/22: Doctor assembles leg bones in record time; IA man claps hands 1,140 times in one minute, breaking world record!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/22 LISTEN!
12/4/22: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from November 30, 1997, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 25 years ago.) | CA prisoner suing over missing nutrition facts on bag of chips; new idiot warning labels during "Here's Your Sign" craze; Toyota & Chevrolet teaming up for new car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/22 LISTEN!
12/11/22: Survey says one in three Americans have never built a snowman; remembering the NFL player who was late for a team meeting because he was building a snowman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/22 LISTEN!
12/18/22: Mick Fleetwood's dangling wooden balls pictured on the Fleetwood Mac Rumours album cover sell at auction for $128k!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/22 LISTEN!
12/25/22: Police in Poland seek man dressed like Christmas tree who slashed tires at meat warehouse; bear attacks inflatable Rudolph holiday decoration in Lake Tahoe yard!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/23 LISTEN!
1/1/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is the Funny 25 countdown for 2022! For the 1989 countdown, I covered the pre-show festivities... and had a few misadventures, myself!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/23 LISTEN!
1/8/23: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload is a flashback to movie-related Deeementia! Instead of the "Demented News," my first movie adventure -- a 1986 "break-in" interview with Howard the Duck -- is remembered!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/23 LISTEN!
1/15/23: Hospital in France is evacuated when an 88-year-old man shows up with a WWI artillery shell lodged in his rectum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/23 LISTEN!
1/22/23: Human hair recycled in Belgium to protect the environment; movie producer Michael Bay charged in Italy with killing a pigeon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/29/23 LISTEN!
1/29/23: Venomous snake found hiding in printer at Austrailian workplace; IN authorities mistake runaway yaks for bison, post correction!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/5/23 LISTEN!
2/5/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from March 11, 2001, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 22 years ago.) | New study finds happiness could be hazardous to your health; MD man smuggles 70 homing pigeons in his pants [story from 1994]; Austrian tourist arrested in Brazil for transporting bird eggs in his underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/12/23 LISTEN!
2/12/23: Pet fish in Japan goes online and runs up its owner's credit card bill; Black Eyed Peas sue Poopsie Slime Surprise unicorn toy over "My Poops" song!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/19/23 LISTEN!
2/19/23: Naked man swinging toilet plunger runs through Des Moines hotel; Roman sewer workers unearth ancient emperor statue!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/26/23 LISTEN!
2/26/23: (Note: This week's Dr. Demento Show upload features a flashback to the episode from January 20, 2002, so here is the "Demented News" report from that show, 21 years ago.) | IA man drives naked for 15,000 miles; NZ man mows neighbor's lawn in the nude; IN burglar takes shower and flees naked; German man wants to be buried with his collection of porno videos!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/5/23 LISTEN!
3/5/23: Oscar Mayer Wienermobile catalytic converter theft; Barney the Dinosaur making a comeback!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/12/23 LISTEN!
3/12/23: CA man sets world record by visiting Disneyland for nearly 3,000 consecutive days; Pentagon warns troops about eating poppy seeds before taking drug tests!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/19/23 LISTEN!
3/19/23: FL strip club destroyed by hurricane reopens inside circus tent; British bus driver gives sheep a ride!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/26/23 LISTEN!
3/26/23: Deworming China's viral "worm rain" images; Australian man catches ping pong balls on his shaving cream-covered head to break world record!


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